Busy working and eating

Have been out to many eating places for the past two months on weekends, till, I am getting a bit heavy.

Wanted to start exercising but the weather has been bad (excuses really).

Often, I wonder if events are just a phase. Like there was a phase when SL & I would go to Suntec City for practically every weekend. Then we stopped, and switched to the National Library, then to eat beancurd at Rocher road (for few weekends). Etc.

These few weeks, we haunt around Shaw Tower & Bugis. There are two stretches of eateries and the streets are happening during the night. Makes you disappear into the liveliness of bugis streets or seah street, in fact. Food really brings people together.

Sands of Time

How time flies, its another year again. Today is SL & my ROM anniversary.
It is just like another day though. Wish my mind will be clearerand lighter and not so bogged by "worldly affairs".

Looking forward to spending moments with SL.

Another Beginning

Have been very busy since Aug because there is a reorganisation in my Dept and I have once again changed my Dept name and this time, have a new boss.

It's another new beginning at work and there are some slight adjustments to make.

I have many new bursts of action at work so far and this is just another one of them.

While I reflect on my corporate "adventures" and my other personal experiences, I know what everyone said is right. I need to experience another part of life - child-raising.

Recently, I met up with a friend who had recently returned to work from maternity leave. Seeing how she cope at first with difficulty and now settling so well with her baby and her mother-in-law made me full of envy for her. Plus, she has regained her slim and slender figure just within 3 months. I still remember her laments on having stretch marks after her delivery when I visited her at hospital. Now, I only detect bliss and satisfaction in her.

Gosh, am I really missing out already? I asked SL what we have been doing for the past few years. He could not pinpoint to anything in particular but that we have gained experiences in doing various different things. But, I replied, they are no more now as we always need to catch up with experiences. And experiences are useless without using them. I do not want to be more pessimistic than I already am, so I pushed this thought to the back of my mind. Can only look forward now.

Silver Lining Behind the Cloud

I caught the World Cup final early morning between Italy & France during the extra time, and saw the moments leading to Zidane head-butting into Marco Materazzi like a rhinoceros. It was such an intense half and hour and I felt that I could emphatise with Zidane's moment of temper.

How often I have also felt the temper brewing in me and could only want to vent it out as a form of release and as a form of retaliation. No one knows what was transpired between the two opposing players but I guess, it must have exceeded Zidane's threshold. That he would throw his reputation and final match-before-he-retires performance into the wind with the unglorified act.

I thought his potential in winning the Golden Ball award would vanish with his act. However, it was great that despite his actions and being sent off from the match, he had won the Golden Ball award. What was more comforting was that the President of France, Jacques Chirac paid a tribute to him despite what happened. While everyone in Paris and in other parts of the world wonder what prompted him to head-butt a player, still, they acknowledged his efforts in bring France to the 2nd place and his contributions to France football.

No man is infallible and I am sure he is equally devastated to have to end his career on such a note. He may not even have regretted his actions as no one except the two players knew what happened. However, what is more praiseworthy is the forgiveness and praise that his countrymen and supporters have continued to show him. This would be a good consolation for him when he looked back on his career.

When I reflect upon what I can forgive and what I cannot control (my temper), I feel both guilty and grateful. Guilty that there are so many things I felt that I could not forgive and am often angry about and how intolerable my temper can be. Grateful that there is a new day to start afresh and that SL & my mother are always willing to accept me despite my temper bursts.

Cambodia Memories

Sights at Cambodia often came to my mind. I even dreamt about the face carvings in Siem Reap before I arrived there. Eerie, I thought at first, but I felt at ease when we reached.

Angkor Wat is clearly magnificient, with even more fascinating history to tell.
It's a pity such a country rich in culture and history has not developed as much as the other countries in South East Asia.

Our guide is Soeun Saron, which SL found over the internet. Saron is highly recommended at several sites, and true enough, he can speak good English and knows the background and the history of Siew Reap very well. We recommend him too. Attached link is his website with pictures of Angkor to share. Sorry, have not sorted our the pics we took, so did not upload them. We could not thank him and his driver enough for their warm hospitality and we wish them well.

The weather is very hot and dry in Siem Reap, too hot even for the people to work, especially when the sun is hottest from 12 noon to 3pm. During this period, the people like to have a short siesta after lunch and then work. Likewise, tours start again from 2.30pm until sunset.

Our itenary included mainly: Ta Prohm, Angkor Wat, Bayon, Angkor Thom, Terrace of Elephants, Terrace of the Leper King, Ta Som, Neak Poan, Preah Khan & Banteay Srei.

I especially liked Angkor Wat & The Bayon with the magnificient four face carvings at every tower. Ta Prohm clearly shows an architecture that had been overtaken by nature, with trees growing into its rocks and structures. Without the APSARA's efforts, nature would have engulfed these architectures. APSARA is the Authority for Protection and Safeguarding of Angkor ruins.

One point to note that is that children would run to you asking you to buy postcards or scarves. They do this after school to supplement their family's income. They are so cute and we often wonder how they can appear and disappear without your knowing.

We stayed at the Auberge Mont Royal hotel which serves good breakfast with homemade pineapple jam. The waiter told us that they cooked 10 kg of pineapple into 1 kg of pineapple jam. Imagine the richness of pineapple flavour in the jam.

We originally booked a Standard room but the hotel staff was kind enough to upgrade us to a Deluxe room at no additional cost. Cable channels are available which is a plus point as we can catch up on some TV during our siesta hours.

I enjoyed dinner time at the old Market (Phsar Chas), where there are sprawling restaurants everywhere. I especially loved Khmer Kitchen for its Amok Fish & its lemon grass tea. Amok dishes come in either chicken, fish or pork. Mmm, I miss the Amok dishes. Amok dishes are cooked in coconut milk and are not spicy.

Another highly recommended restaurant is The Red Piano and Blue Pumpkin. The Red Piano serves a free drink with a main dish and it is a good relief from the warm weather. It also provides a good view from its 2nd floor balcony. It looks out into the streets of Siem Reap with the few street lights. Romantic view.

Blue pumpkin serves good ice-cream and sherbet, all home-made. It has a good ambience and again provides a good hiding place from the merciless sun during the afternoons.

Siem Reap - a country so full of history, culture and architectural knowledge - its no wonder its one of the man-made wonders of the world.

Towards Angkor

SL & I have planned a trip to Angkor Wat this week for 3 days. Looking forward to it, though it would be a short trip.

The aim is to see one of the Wonders of the World, if it would be the only other one I get to see, besides the Great Wall of China. The Angkors are such magnificent architecture works rich with culture and history.

Hope I will gain some insight and it would also be a chance for me to exercise and perhaps slim down a bit, what with the so many sinful good food I have been stuffing myself with...

Cambodia, here we come.

Football & Food Fever

Yeah, World Cup is back again. I am not really a fan but I certainly welcome the euphoria. Injected a little good cheer around the office.

Tired of the office games that were being played these few weeks with a colleague leaving. Well, work is just a means of having a salary for the better things in life. :>

Ma got some bad news, her company is not in a good shape and she may be out of job. At the same time, she thinks that glucosamine can give her diabetics. No cakes or desserts for her anymore, she told me. :<

Hope some health experts can give me some tips here. My doctor had also put me on a regime of glucosamine but will it give me diabetics in the long run? Life is so ironical, we often have something at the expense of something else. We will never get to have the cake and eat it. Now Ma don't even want her cake. I am secretly thinking of not eating for the next few days to detoxify my body but food is so tempting. Help, I am getting addicted to food here. :<

Mankind Sins

My colleague broadened my mind with this :

Some companies inform their staff (the poor performers) to buck up within three months.
The underlying message is for this staff to :
1) buck up within three months;
2) find another Dept on his own within three months. Note that other Dept would know that he is a poor performer;
3) resign and "tender the garden" (at home).

Such is the true harsh reality in the outside world now.

I am not doing well at work - too generalist and not specialised and sometimes just a mailbox with little or no value-add. I am not really aggressive and sometimes aggressive in the wrong way. Not charismatic, not a leader, not a visionary, none of the above. Just a normal working class heading towards the big 4-zero mark straight on like a train rushing to its destination. Is this the journey for the common class? While people of other countries are battling war and hunger, we are battling our own war here. No difference mentally. The sins of mankind.

On Leave

Have been very busy for the past week and now I am clearing my block.
Enjoying the free times again.
Had a strange sense of fear today, hope it is nothing.

Got to go back to work for meeting tomorrow and will be another hectic day, though I am on leave.

Weekends' here

Weekends are here again and I am too tired to finish what I hope to do today.
Too lazy to even cook a decent meal.

Had been a busy week but fruitful week.

Does it always have to be busy = fruitful?
No, I can cite many occasions when busy but not equal fruitful.

Or must we have busyness in order to have good business?
Mmm, something to think about.

In any case, life is like that in a high-level view, I guess, we need to fill it up with meaningful relationships, and meaningful memories.

At the detailed level, we have quality time spent every hour or minute to fill it up with meaningful and memorable events.

I can imagine draw a chart with these thoughts (like an org chart with top level and low level). :P

Job vs Career

Was wondering if I am going though mid-life crisis.

Have been questioning myself lately about my career path or lack of it.

Pros :
- no career path => can go home early
- can go home early => can spend more time with SL
- not much deadlines => less stress
- less stress => can try for a baby (haha)
- can try for a baby => family life finally!


Cons :
- not much monetary gains
- not much meaningful time spent during work
- stagnant in career
- not much growth mentally

SL reasoned out that one surely got to give and take. Something's sure got to give in the balance of work and family. Now that I get to enjoy family time more, I should not complain about the lack of a career.

He is right. We are finally able to enjoy early nights together and spend more time with each other.

What the heck, I am making it up to him for the past few years of his waiting up for me for supper...

TP = Traffic police

There had been news about traffic policemen monitoring the traffic conditions at the top of overhead bridges with a camera to catch speedsters.

I had two encounters with them.

Once was during the evening peak hours along PIE towards Jurong.

Near the Paya Lebar / Eunos road, a taxi suddenly slowed down and the driver shouted "camera" pointing upwards.

I looked upwards and glimpsed a shadow on top of the overhead bridge but did not really bother much about it.

Yesterday morning during the 8am period, road condition was not too smooth with heavy traffic. As all cars were moving slowly at 60 km/hr, I managed to have a clear view of the tp at the overhead bridge (after the ERP gantry along PIE to Changi Airport,the overhead bridge before Toa Payoh), holding a huge camera shooting down at me.

My conscience was clear. How to speed during such a traffic condition?
It would be good if cars can move at 60km/hr much less speed.

Wonder why tp can afford one manpower to monitor this especially during peak hours. Imagine the tp holding the camera for 1 hour? Also, they only stand at where the overhead bridge is covered, for obvious reasons.

Looking Back

It is so coincidental when I read Japhys' World that she has been reliving her schooldays memories. I was replaying my own last Thurs too. Is it because my mind is too free now that I am not so busy at work? Hmm, not a good thing. An idle mind is a devil's workshop. Well, I have been asking myself what if questions too many for my own good.

Kept reliving the moments where they could be a turning point in my life eg. If I have gone to meet this guy after my exam, what did he want to tell me? Sigh, are these what people say "regrets" when you are old and you look back to?

I try to convince myself that I made the right decision at that point in time, based on weighing the pros and cons. I think too much always.

Reminds me of some books which I used to read where there are many endings, whereby when you reach a decision point, you can turn to page 67 if you want.... or page 89 if you want to do .... At the end, I would always want to try all options to know the different outcomes. Wish life is like that. Life is full of choices but you can only make one at a time and you got to live with it...

Good Excuse

Found an excuse by men that is quite glaring but wonder if any women have caught it.

Whenever there is a pretty and sexy girl in sight and if the man is caught salivating, the man would answer "if I do not have a reaction, I am gay".

Don't you think this is a pretty good excuse for men?

Post Adversity

"Does it always take an adversity to make a person turn good?"

I seem to have lost my previous posts for Feb 06. Now I am finding difficulty remembering what I had typed. Guess this is my adversity again. Should have backup a copy elsewhere.

Is this always happening? SL said that he had heard of his students' posts getting lost as well.

Well, I had had my release when I typed those posts and now, they do not seem so impactful to me, thus the inability to remember them. They have served their purposes and now they are gone. To think of it positively, they did not live in vain.

Anticipation of Conversations

I had this strange ability to anticipate conversations during the CNY visitings.
I would be able to predict what B would say after A says something. Uncanny.

For example, A would say that C has a business that is booming and I knew that B would tell D to go follow the industry that C is in. Scary.

Lunar New Year Eve

Busy preparing the last minute housekeeping and CNY duties.
Looking forward to a busy day from tonight till the First or Second day of Lunar New Year.

SL's students will be coming, so stockpiling a lot of titbits. So tempting and hope we do not finish them all ourself even before they come.

Wishing and hoping that the Year of the Dog will bring happiness, cheer and good health to everyone! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Permission To Fly

In the Straits Times of 24 Jan, Forum page, Alva Huang Yanting requested parents to “give their children a chance to fly, because dreams can give people courage to go beyond themselves.”

I totally agree. Parents, pls do not tie your children and do not exasperate them.

It is understandable that parents want the best for their children and want to hold on to their children for as long as possible. This includes clinging them on mentally and physically.

I remember a colleague who has an only son, now in his teens telling me,”If my son were to have a girlfriend, I want him to bring me on his dates. If not Mummy (my colleague) will be so lonely at home”.

I secretly imagine what his future girlfriend would think. At this juncture, I must really give my mother credit. I am an only child and after marriage, I do not stay with her. She never complains that I am seldom around her. Instead, she would assure me that she has her own friends and work to keep her busy. I may be an irritating child to her and she cannot wait to get rid of me but that is another story. She gives me an opportunity to excel in my career and do the things I like. She would also often tell me to rest at home instead if I called to say that I am going to visit her.

This could be a mentality she has come to terms with when she borne a daughter. Asian mentality breeds that girls are poured-away water (po chu qu de shui) after they got married. At the same time, she is still employed, so she has work to occupy her mind. However, I could detect her subtle loneliness at times.

On the other hand, there are parents like my colleague who are afraid of loneliness and never too shy to parade their fear of it. They would want to hold on to their children even after the latter have their own family I know I cannot blame them as I may do the same given their situations. It is such a fine line to draw.

Are these mentality contributed by educational background, mindset, age and family upbringing? All of the above, I guess and we cannot force anyone to change their mindset. I applaud the Western thinking where parents would let their children fly, per se. However, some schools of thought have blamed this for some society problems like drug-taking, having premarital sex etc due to lack of parental support

As we move another year ahead, may parents learn to be more open-minded in encouraging their children to develop themselves and fly by their own decisions.

It does not matter if the child is not with the parents, the fact that the child is doing well, developing himself and finding happiness are sufficient reasons for the parent to be comforted that he gave the child life in the first place.

Now, got to remind myself these if I ever become a parent.

Happiness Ratio

I quote from The Straits Times (24 Jan 06) which reported a London News –
“ A British university researcher claims 23 Jan the gloomiest day of this year….The formula looks like this :
W + (D-d) x TQM x NA
Where :
W = weather
D = debt
d = monthly salary
T = time since Christmas or since failure to quit a bad habit or low motivational leval
NA = need to take action

This is true especially for in cold places now eg. Britain and America.
23 Jun on the other hand is the happiest day of the year due to the weather and more emphasis on nature with flowers and trees in full bloom.”

My personal happy-day ratio (the opposite of the above formula) is as follows :

If offday or public holiday, HPratio = 1, else

HPratio = (A x H x [(d-D)/30] x G) / (O+W)

Where :
A = achievements in the form of personal motivation or job satisfaction
H = heartwarming moments
G = personal & loved ones’ good health
d = monthly salary
D = debt
O = occasions of disputes at work and family
W = weather

Happiness is fleeting and short-lived. It is something everyone yearns to have, yet difficult to find at times.
On the hand, anyone can have it if one disregards everything sad around you (eg. debts, poor relationships, low self-esteem etc) but wouldn’t it be self-deception at the expense of happiness?

Life is too short to be unhappy but is it too short for self-deception?

New Year, New Hair

I was reminded of a thought-provoking question posed to my by my friend sometime ago. She asked if lady employees would get sacked for shaving their head bald.

Mmm. I thought not but may get warned for being unpresentable or causing alarm or disruptions to fellow colleagues. I remembered this as I had an impulsion to change my hairstyle and felt that it would be nice to go bald to make a rebellious statement. On second thought, why make myself uglier? It's not as if I am sacrificing for a film. I might really consider if I were a man, though. No fuss hair-style, unlike the terrible hair these dolls got.

CNY Preparations

Had great fun shopping for groceries for CNY, buying gifts for close relatives and friends. Even received some gifts from colleagues, which is heart-warming. It feels somewhat like Christmas again.

Supermarkets are bustling with activity with stockpiles of new year goodies and great seafood. It is an enjoyment to be part of it all.

However, these numerous trips to the supermarkets are causing a hole in my pocket. Got to remind myself to keep some for the bigger hole next week when giving angpows to the young ones. No input, only output. :P

What the heck, it's CNY!

Spilt Milk

Went to see my dentist yesterday and he exclaimed, "The alignment was not like that". My heart sank.

I was right. The jaw alignment has further slipped with my fall two weeks back. It had been made worse by my dislocation mid-last year and now, it looks doubly bad.

Have to wear the splint 24 hours for the next week to hopefully "open" up the jaw. Really wish my luck would be better and there would be good news next week. It would be CNY afterall.

I often question if this is karma, though I do not believe in after-life. I must have been a bad person in this life and earlier (if there is). No point crying over spilt milk. Must try to be a better person, but haven't I learnt that a good person often become a victim of "bully"? Must be my this skewed thinking that caused all these.

Cold Calls

One night, a guy called my home number. The conversation went something like this :
Guy : Hi, are you the owner of the house?
Me : Yes
Guy : Are you planning to sell or upgrade your house?
Me : No (though I ad been thinking about it). How did you get my home number?
Guy : Oh, I am from XXX. We got the number from HDB.
Me : How can HDB pass you our telephone numbers?
Guy : Sorry, not from HDB, I am a telemarketeer and I do not know where your telephone number comes from. We just call. Ok, then thanks and bye.

Kudos to their effort for cold calls to get business. On the other hand, I question the ethics of obtaining the numbers. I guess they could have obtained the numbers from telephone directories, not HDB, but HDB would have been their scapegoat, if I have not pressed further. Anyway, this is the modus operandi of sales businesses, cannot blame them, it is part of survivorship.

Close of A Chapter

I lived a different kind of life last year. I had more time and freedom to do the things I always wanted to but did not previously have the time to.

I experienced a lot of many things which I would not have dreamed that I would ever have the guts to do. I had the chance to go to Philippines, Indonesia, London, Taiwan, and travel some parts of China on my own and associated with people of another culture and mindset. I learnt skills which I would never have thought of but still they would not earn me enough money to buy back time.

I tried to work beyond the threshold of body and experienced bouts of physical pain as a result. But, I found my limits.

I experienced sarcasm of another level from close ones. But, it tested the boundaries of my humility and lack of it.

I learnt that family ties mean nothing except when it is mutual.

I found that courage comes from putting up a strong front in the face of sarcasm and facing adversaries straight-on.

What a year of 2005! The chapter has closed.

I am going to embark on my previously trodden-journey. No more outside world adventures and hopefully not so much adversaries (dream on, I thought). Hope not too much wild grass has grown on the old road that needs weeding.

I have to bring along my newly-found traits and get back on the road again this Feb 2006. So long, 2005, thanks for the memories.

Working Hard

Someone is getting pregnant, two-somes in fact. At a social gathering today, one relative asked me to "Jia You" (work hard in Chinese). "Jia You" to earn money I replied with a smile. I am regretting my rude reply and blaming my quick nature for it.

Is it a road that all women must trod? My family and social make-up tells me not so, but my biological clock says otherwise. Pregnancy is a personal or couple thing, not an extended family thing, I felt. Not sure if I was brought up to think this way or a sole selfishness on my part. Sure, potential grandparents would garner support for it. TV and government advertisements would advocate how complete the family would be and how your life would be fulfilled.

The nine months carrying of the child and the effect on my body is on the mother. The whole life commitment and responsibility falls on both mother and father.

One trend I saw was when someone is getting pregnant, the well-meaning elder ladies would, on good intent, give advice on this and that and ask this and that. Hope they do not get hurt when their advice falls on deaf ears as some are pure old wives’ tales. The more disheartening part comes when the grandparents just want to have grandchildren to keep them occupied and throws concern for the mother out of the window.

Who knows, I may be guilty of these as well and in the future. My clock is ticking but I may remain status quo for the rest of my life. Well, we will have to see how life turns out.

Saturday Headache

The pain is getting intense today and I am worried. There are so many things to do and think about and it is a challenge to ignore the pain. At the same time, I blame myself for the fall. I secretly hope that it has not aggravated the condition but I am often not lucky. I remind myself of the more unfortunate people in other parts of the world, the homeless and the hungry. Stop being Ah-Q, I thought to myself.

Got to immerse myself in other things. Looking forward to an evening with SL in Suntec City. We will shop around Carrefour, buy some nice and good-deal stuff, maybe fresh and delicious food to cook over the Hari Raya Haji holiday.

Lesson of the Day for me : Don't take life seriously as life is short. Unhappiness, sadness, anger, embarrassment are short-lived. Not too sure about anger though as it varies from persons. People may not take you seriously, so why do that to yourself and your life? Bear with it and it will pass.

Different Perspectives

My cousin is getting married. He is 27 this year and his wife is a korean. Wonder if he has also caught the korean fever as well. He was posted to Korea for a working attachment. His parents (who are my uncle and auntie) knew he had a girlfriend in Korea and was given the impression that he is going over to meet his girlfriend's family.

To their surprise, he came back with the wedding photos and the korean wedding ceremony consummated. He is now back here arranging for a small dinner affair for close families.

I casually asked my uncle when the ROM would be. My uncle's classic reply was "I do not know. He is getting married, not me." The quote of the day from my good uncle. How open-minded he is or "bochap" if you think in a negative light.

I remember that when I was getting married, I had to book the hotel banquet 1 year in advance. Seat arrangement during the dinner had caused countless internal quarrels between my other half's family and me and my mother. And we have not even talked about the ceremony and rite details.

I secretly envy my cousin and his wife. They will have so much freedom then I could possibly have imagined. When the elder generation passed on, I foresee that we will see more and more open-minded parents. On one hand, we are looking forward to a more open family culture. On the other hand, the old traditions may be lost. Either way, this is a trend that we cannot reverse.

Give up the traditional mindset and you will lose them generation by generation. In exchange, our younger generation will embrace a new culture of flexibility and convenience which leads to more freedom and modern thinking. Whichever we look at it, the world has to change.

Brand New Day

Now that the festive period is over, the day to day grime starts to set in. Most of the colleagues are back from their leave and the office is back to its busy self.

No more quietude where most of every Department staff is on leave, leaving the few around to be carefree and truly in the festive mood.

It's back to reality. Reality is as bad as always, be it the used-to-be 2005 or the looking forward 2006. Yet, it makes one still wishing and hoping that 2006 would be slightly better. A teeny weeny bit would make me grateful enough. Well, life goes on regardless of how we have to grit our teeth and bear with it. At least, I got to brace myself for some optimism for tomorrow.

Pick Me Up Fall

I fell yesterday, tripped over a pong pong fruit, wanted to avoid the pong pong fruit but then tripped over a branch. It's fated. Hit my chin and my jaw. Hope it does not worsen my TMJ condition. Had ugly scratches right at my chin tip. It looks like a beard from far.

Wow, I finally got to be a real man, though I already look like one... Wonder if there will be scars.

To be Ah-Q, this is analagous to pick-me-ups. After I fell, I had no choice but to pick myelf up, brush away the soil and sand, pat my pants, check for blood, and stand up again. Analagous to our failures, we have to pick ourselves and move on as no one would or could help you.

When I fell, there was a passer-by, who ran to me to ask how I was. I was grateful for his help. I even took the advantage and asked him to help me retrieve my file which fell into a deep drain (luckily it was not filled with too much water) and was even doubly grateful when he did. He even advised me to see a doctor to get some ailments. He said my chin would swell otherwise. What a nice man, I thought.

I was in a state of shock, thanked him profusely and staggered to my destination.

Got to pick up the pieces and move on...

My First Blog In 2006

Welcome myself to Blogland in the new year! I should have login yesterday, that will make it 1 Jan 2006. Finally got it here in 2006 - a real late blogger, I must say. I have heard so much of Blogland but never got to go round entering it till now. Hope I will persist in my stay here, not like everything else I was doing.

What a year, 2005. A bit late for reflections but no matter what, life goes on and I still got to look forward whatever it may be in store for me.

Happy New Year again!