Lunar New Year Eve

Busy preparing the last minute housekeeping and CNY duties.
Looking forward to a busy day from tonight till the First or Second day of Lunar New Year.

SL's students will be coming, so stockpiling a lot of titbits. So tempting and hope we do not finish them all ourself even before they come.

Wishing and hoping that the Year of the Dog will bring happiness, cheer and good health to everyone! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Permission To Fly

In the Straits Times of 24 Jan, Forum page, Alva Huang Yanting requested parents to “give their children a chance to fly, because dreams can give people courage to go beyond themselves.”

I totally agree. Parents, pls do not tie your children and do not exasperate them.

It is understandable that parents want the best for their children and want to hold on to their children for as long as possible. This includes clinging them on mentally and physically.

I remember a colleague who has an only son, now in his teens telling me,”If my son were to have a girlfriend, I want him to bring me on his dates. If not Mummy (my colleague) will be so lonely at home”.

I secretly imagine what his future girlfriend would think. At this juncture, I must really give my mother credit. I am an only child and after marriage, I do not stay with her. She never complains that I am seldom around her. Instead, she would assure me that she has her own friends and work to keep her busy. I may be an irritating child to her and she cannot wait to get rid of me but that is another story. She gives me an opportunity to excel in my career and do the things I like. She would also often tell me to rest at home instead if I called to say that I am going to visit her.

This could be a mentality she has come to terms with when she borne a daughter. Asian mentality breeds that girls are poured-away water (po chu qu de shui) after they got married. At the same time, she is still employed, so she has work to occupy her mind. However, I could detect her subtle loneliness at times.

On the other hand, there are parents like my colleague who are afraid of loneliness and never too shy to parade their fear of it. They would want to hold on to their children even after the latter have their own family I know I cannot blame them as I may do the same given their situations. It is such a fine line to draw.

Are these mentality contributed by educational background, mindset, age and family upbringing? All of the above, I guess and we cannot force anyone to change their mindset. I applaud the Western thinking where parents would let their children fly, per se. However, some schools of thought have blamed this for some society problems like drug-taking, having premarital sex etc due to lack of parental support

As we move another year ahead, may parents learn to be more open-minded in encouraging their children to develop themselves and fly by their own decisions.

It does not matter if the child is not with the parents, the fact that the child is doing well, developing himself and finding happiness are sufficient reasons for the parent to be comforted that he gave the child life in the first place.

Now, got to remind myself these if I ever become a parent.

Happiness Ratio

I quote from The Straits Times (24 Jan 06) which reported a London News –
“ A British university researcher claims 23 Jan the gloomiest day of this year….The formula looks like this :
W + (D-d) x TQM x NA
Where :
W = weather
D = debt
d = monthly salary
T = time since Christmas or since failure to quit a bad habit or low motivational leval
NA = need to take action

This is true especially for in cold places now eg. Britain and America.
23 Jun on the other hand is the happiest day of the year due to the weather and more emphasis on nature with flowers and trees in full bloom.”

My personal happy-day ratio (the opposite of the above formula) is as follows :

If offday or public holiday, HPratio = 1, else

HPratio = (A x H x [(d-D)/30] x G) / (O+W)

Where :
A = achievements in the form of personal motivation or job satisfaction
H = heartwarming moments
G = personal & loved ones’ good health
d = monthly salary
D = debt
O = occasions of disputes at work and family
W = weather

Happiness is fleeting and short-lived. It is something everyone yearns to have, yet difficult to find at times.
On the hand, anyone can have it if one disregards everything sad around you (eg. debts, poor relationships, low self-esteem etc) but wouldn’t it be self-deception at the expense of happiness?

Life is too short to be unhappy but is it too short for self-deception?

New Year, New Hair

I was reminded of a thought-provoking question posed to my by my friend sometime ago. She asked if lady employees would get sacked for shaving their head bald.

Mmm. I thought not but may get warned for being unpresentable or causing alarm or disruptions to fellow colleagues. I remembered this as I had an impulsion to change my hairstyle and felt that it would be nice to go bald to make a rebellious statement. On second thought, why make myself uglier? It's not as if I am sacrificing for a film. I might really consider if I were a man, though. No fuss hair-style, unlike the terrible hair these dolls got.

CNY Preparations

Had great fun shopping for groceries for CNY, buying gifts for close relatives and friends. Even received some gifts from colleagues, which is heart-warming. It feels somewhat like Christmas again.

Supermarkets are bustling with activity with stockpiles of new year goodies and great seafood. It is an enjoyment to be part of it all.

However, these numerous trips to the supermarkets are causing a hole in my pocket. Got to remind myself to keep some for the bigger hole next week when giving angpows to the young ones. No input, only output. :P

What the heck, it's CNY!

Spilt Milk

Went to see my dentist yesterday and he exclaimed, "The alignment was not like that". My heart sank.

I was right. The jaw alignment has further slipped with my fall two weeks back. It had been made worse by my dislocation mid-last year and now, it looks doubly bad.

Have to wear the splint 24 hours for the next week to hopefully "open" up the jaw. Really wish my luck would be better and there would be good news next week. It would be CNY afterall.

I often question if this is karma, though I do not believe in after-life. I must have been a bad person in this life and earlier (if there is). No point crying over spilt milk. Must try to be a better person, but haven't I learnt that a good person often become a victim of "bully"? Must be my this skewed thinking that caused all these.

Cold Calls

One night, a guy called my home number. The conversation went something like this :
Guy : Hi, are you the owner of the house?
Me : Yes
Guy : Are you planning to sell or upgrade your house?
Me : No (though I ad been thinking about it). How did you get my home number?
Guy : Oh, I am from XXX. We got the number from HDB.
Me : How can HDB pass you our telephone numbers?
Guy : Sorry, not from HDB, I am a telemarketeer and I do not know where your telephone number comes from. We just call. Ok, then thanks and bye.

Kudos to their effort for cold calls to get business. On the other hand, I question the ethics of obtaining the numbers. I guess they could have obtained the numbers from telephone directories, not HDB, but HDB would have been their scapegoat, if I have not pressed further. Anyway, this is the modus operandi of sales businesses, cannot blame them, it is part of survivorship.

Close of A Chapter

I lived a different kind of life last year. I had more time and freedom to do the things I always wanted to but did not previously have the time to.

I experienced a lot of many things which I would not have dreamed that I would ever have the guts to do. I had the chance to go to Philippines, Indonesia, London, Taiwan, and travel some parts of China on my own and associated with people of another culture and mindset. I learnt skills which I would never have thought of but still they would not earn me enough money to buy back time.

I tried to work beyond the threshold of body and experienced bouts of physical pain as a result. But, I found my limits.

I experienced sarcasm of another level from close ones. But, it tested the boundaries of my humility and lack of it.

I learnt that family ties mean nothing except when it is mutual.

I found that courage comes from putting up a strong front in the face of sarcasm and facing adversaries straight-on.

What a year of 2005! The chapter has closed.

I am going to embark on my previously trodden-journey. No more outside world adventures and hopefully not so much adversaries (dream on, I thought). Hope not too much wild grass has grown on the old road that needs weeding.

I have to bring along my newly-found traits and get back on the road again this Feb 2006. So long, 2005, thanks for the memories.

Working Hard

Someone is getting pregnant, two-somes in fact. At a social gathering today, one relative asked me to "Jia You" (work hard in Chinese). "Jia You" to earn money I replied with a smile. I am regretting my rude reply and blaming my quick nature for it.

Is it a road that all women must trod? My family and social make-up tells me not so, but my biological clock says otherwise. Pregnancy is a personal or couple thing, not an extended family thing, I felt. Not sure if I was brought up to think this way or a sole selfishness on my part. Sure, potential grandparents would garner support for it. TV and government advertisements would advocate how complete the family would be and how your life would be fulfilled.

The nine months carrying of the child and the effect on my body is on the mother. The whole life commitment and responsibility falls on both mother and father.

One trend I saw was when someone is getting pregnant, the well-meaning elder ladies would, on good intent, give advice on this and that and ask this and that. Hope they do not get hurt when their advice falls on deaf ears as some are pure old wives’ tales. The more disheartening part comes when the grandparents just want to have grandchildren to keep them occupied and throws concern for the mother out of the window.

Who knows, I may be guilty of these as well and in the future. My clock is ticking but I may remain status quo for the rest of my life. Well, we will have to see how life turns out.

Saturday Headache

The pain is getting intense today and I am worried. There are so many things to do and think about and it is a challenge to ignore the pain. At the same time, I blame myself for the fall. I secretly hope that it has not aggravated the condition but I am often not lucky. I remind myself of the more unfortunate people in other parts of the world, the homeless and the hungry. Stop being Ah-Q, I thought to myself.

Got to immerse myself in other things. Looking forward to an evening with SL in Suntec City. We will shop around Carrefour, buy some nice and good-deal stuff, maybe fresh and delicious food to cook over the Hari Raya Haji holiday.

Lesson of the Day for me : Don't take life seriously as life is short. Unhappiness, sadness, anger, embarrassment are short-lived. Not too sure about anger though as it varies from persons. People may not take you seriously, so why do that to yourself and your life? Bear with it and it will pass.

Different Perspectives

My cousin is getting married. He is 27 this year and his wife is a korean. Wonder if he has also caught the korean fever as well. He was posted to Korea for a working attachment. His parents (who are my uncle and auntie) knew he had a girlfriend in Korea and was given the impression that he is going over to meet his girlfriend's family.

To their surprise, he came back with the wedding photos and the korean wedding ceremony consummated. He is now back here arranging for a small dinner affair for close families.

I casually asked my uncle when the ROM would be. My uncle's classic reply was "I do not know. He is getting married, not me." The quote of the day from my good uncle. How open-minded he is or "bochap" if you think in a negative light.

I remember that when I was getting married, I had to book the hotel banquet 1 year in advance. Seat arrangement during the dinner had caused countless internal quarrels between my other half's family and me and my mother. And we have not even talked about the ceremony and rite details.

I secretly envy my cousin and his wife. They will have so much freedom then I could possibly have imagined. When the elder generation passed on, I foresee that we will see more and more open-minded parents. On one hand, we are looking forward to a more open family culture. On the other hand, the old traditions may be lost. Either way, this is a trend that we cannot reverse.

Give up the traditional mindset and you will lose them generation by generation. In exchange, our younger generation will embrace a new culture of flexibility and convenience which leads to more freedom and modern thinking. Whichever we look at it, the world has to change.

Brand New Day

Now that the festive period is over, the day to day grime starts to set in. Most of the colleagues are back from their leave and the office is back to its busy self.

No more quietude where most of every Department staff is on leave, leaving the few around to be carefree and truly in the festive mood.

It's back to reality. Reality is as bad as always, be it the used-to-be 2005 or the looking forward 2006. Yet, it makes one still wishing and hoping that 2006 would be slightly better. A teeny weeny bit would make me grateful enough. Well, life goes on regardless of how we have to grit our teeth and bear with it. At least, I got to brace myself for some optimism for tomorrow.

Pick Me Up Fall

I fell yesterday, tripped over a pong pong fruit, wanted to avoid the pong pong fruit but then tripped over a branch. It's fated. Hit my chin and my jaw. Hope it does not worsen my TMJ condition. Had ugly scratches right at my chin tip. It looks like a beard from far.

Wow, I finally got to be a real man, though I already look like one... Wonder if there will be scars.

To be Ah-Q, this is analagous to pick-me-ups. After I fell, I had no choice but to pick myelf up, brush away the soil and sand, pat my pants, check for blood, and stand up again. Analagous to our failures, we have to pick ourselves and move on as no one would or could help you.

When I fell, there was a passer-by, who ran to me to ask how I was. I was grateful for his help. I even took the advantage and asked him to help me retrieve my file which fell into a deep drain (luckily it was not filled with too much water) and was even doubly grateful when he did. He even advised me to see a doctor to get some ailments. He said my chin would swell otherwise. What a nice man, I thought.

I was in a state of shock, thanked him profusely and staggered to my destination.

Got to pick up the pieces and move on...

My First Blog In 2006

Welcome myself to Blogland in the new year! I should have login yesterday, that will make it 1 Jan 2006. Finally got it here in 2006 - a real late blogger, I must say. I have heard so much of Blogland but never got to go round entering it till now. Hope I will persist in my stay here, not like everything else I was doing.

What a year, 2005. A bit late for reflections but no matter what, life goes on and I still got to look forward whatever it may be in store for me.

Happy New Year again!