Permission To Fly

In the Straits Times of 24 Jan, Forum page, Alva Huang Yanting requested parents to “give their children a chance to fly, because dreams can give people courage to go beyond themselves.”

I totally agree. Parents, pls do not tie your children and do not exasperate them.

It is understandable that parents want the best for their children and want to hold on to their children for as long as possible. This includes clinging them on mentally and physically.

I remember a colleague who has an only son, now in his teens telling me,”If my son were to have a girlfriend, I want him to bring me on his dates. If not Mummy (my colleague) will be so lonely at home”.

I secretly imagine what his future girlfriend would think. At this juncture, I must really give my mother credit. I am an only child and after marriage, I do not stay with her. She never complains that I am seldom around her. Instead, she would assure me that she has her own friends and work to keep her busy. I may be an irritating child to her and she cannot wait to get rid of me but that is another story. She gives me an opportunity to excel in my career and do the things I like. She would also often tell me to rest at home instead if I called to say that I am going to visit her.

This could be a mentality she has come to terms with when she borne a daughter. Asian mentality breeds that girls are poured-away water (po chu qu de shui) after they got married. At the same time, she is still employed, so she has work to occupy her mind. However, I could detect her subtle loneliness at times.

On the other hand, there are parents like my colleague who are afraid of loneliness and never too shy to parade their fear of it. They would want to hold on to their children even after the latter have their own family I know I cannot blame them as I may do the same given their situations. It is such a fine line to draw.

Are these mentality contributed by educational background, mindset, age and family upbringing? All of the above, I guess and we cannot force anyone to change their mindset. I applaud the Western thinking where parents would let their children fly, per se. However, some schools of thought have blamed this for some society problems like drug-taking, having premarital sex etc due to lack of parental support

As we move another year ahead, may parents learn to be more open-minded in encouraging their children to develop themselves and fly by their own decisions.

It does not matter if the child is not with the parents, the fact that the child is doing well, developing himself and finding happiness are sufficient reasons for the parent to be comforted that he gave the child life in the first place.

Now, got to remind myself these if I ever become a parent.